Here are some Questions & awnsers about swinging (click on the question)
What is a Swingers Club?
A swingers club is a place where consenting adults (over the age of 18) can meet and have ethical non-monogamous sex. Regardless of their gender or sexuality. Swinging doesn’t have to be a full physical exchange either. You can have a soft switch, where you can enjoy foreplay without taking your clothes off. And full swap, where you can have penetrative sex., completely naked!
You may be surprised to learn that there are many different ways to swing. Swingers can change their comfort level over time to accommodate their playing partners.
There have been times when I’ve met great swingers and been on the same wavelength. Still, they’re only comfortable with a soft trade scenario, so I’ve toned down my playstyle to accommodate their preferences.
Separate room, soft swap and same room are all different terminologies associated with swinging. There are many different types of swinger sex, kinks and fetishes that people enjoy in the lifestyle.
Being a swinger isn’t reserved for couples either. Single men and women can both enjoy the lifestyle and do it! Some clubs are only for couples, but some parties cater to single men and women who want to swing with couples. You can be a single swinger and get into a relationship and continue swinging. If you decide to go into the swinging lifestyle, it doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship or not. You can still enjoy it!
My husband wants to try swinging?
I’m not comfortable with the idea, but I’m glad he’s comfortable enough to tell me these things. Now I feel pressured to try. Should I try to make him happy?
Probably not. If you’re feeling pressured, either this isn’t the way you should be, or the time isn’t right. It can be hard enough to feel comfortable in this lifestyle without making it worse just trying to make your partner happy. Communication is key. Tell him how you feel.
How do I convince my partner to join?
I hope you are interested in approaching your partner, not persuading your partner to swing. As you learn more about the lifestyle, you will realize that one partner is not talking to the other partner. Any decision, starting with the decision to discuss swinging, requires mutual consent from both partners. Even if one partner were able to manipulate the other partner into doing something they hadn’t fully agreed to, their participation in the lifestyle would quickly surface problems.
An important element of lifestyle participation is based on the rights of each partner to act freely according to their own choices within the boundaries of their relationship. Any hint that a partner is being coerced, manipulated or coerced into participating would severely limit the couples’ acceptance of other lifestyle couples.
Most therapists will confirm that communication is the most common problem in couples. Add a topic as emotionally charged as sexuality, and especially sex with external partners, to the discussion and the communication levels can deteriorate before your very eyes.
There are two places to start. Have her/him check out this website. So she/he can get a sense of the kind of club we are, the people involved, and allay her concerns about emotional safety. But guys, watch out! There is an old saying “be careful what you ask”. While in most cases it is the man who introduces the idea of swinging, it is often the woman who embraces the philosophy and activities more easily than men.
The liberating effects of the lifestyle can be an aphrodisiac for women, and the men often struggle with behavioral change. Remember, there is no such thing as one partner being a “swinger” when the other partner isn’t, or doesn’t know it. Such a situation would be as much a breach of trust as any other instance of adultery or any outside matter.
How do we know if swinging is something for us?
At this point, both you and your partner are exploring this lifestyle together. You’ve probably talked a lot about the pros and cons of this lifestyle. Now it is time for each of you to ask yourself and your partner certain questions regarding your own relationship and your own individual feelings.
You do not know what you do not know. We do have a number of questions as a starting point. Answer these questions honestly. You answer these for you, no one else. If you mislead, it will come back to you later, with a negative impact. Do you understand that romantic love and recreational sex are two different things?
How will you feel when you see your partner getting sexual satisfaction with another person? Are you doing this to please yourself or to please your partner? What fantasies do you have and how would you like to fulfill them? Can you fulfill them together? Can you be totally, brutally honest with each other about everything? Are you ready to accept an honest answer to your question, even if it’s not the answer you wanted or expected to hear? Are you completely committed to each other? Can you be ready to “come to the rescue” or put your partner’s well-being and feelings first in your mind (check with your partner regularly – “Are you okay, having fun, etc.”) during your partying experiences?
Can you stop in the middle of a sexual experience when your partner really needs you? Can you honestly tell your partner that you love him after watching him engage in sexual activity with another person? How do you feel about bisexuality for yourself and/or your partner? (There are fewer male bisexuals in swinging than female ones, but you should discuss the topic, you might surprise yourself.)
What if my partner is with someone who outperforms me?
I don’t know if I could handle that?
This is a bit tricky to answer. When asked, most people say it’s not better or worse, but different. A different touch, or a different feel, is what makes it exciting. Also, someone may have a technique that is more popular with your partners. But without the affection and sense of security that you bring your partner with you, it’s doubtful that anyone else can compare to what you have to offer your partner. People in this lifestyle are not in it to find another life partner. You’re still the one your partner goes home with at the end of the night.
If I join a club or enter the lifestyle, do I have to have sex with everyone?
NO, Not at all!!!!
Usually everyone’s policy and philosophy is “No means no.” Believe it or not, it’s harder to meet couples you bond with than you probably think. Most couples have their own “rules” or situations in which they feel personally comfortable.
For example, a couple may have a “rule” in which safe sex is the only sex. Another couple may be comfortable with unprotected sex. (Most clubs promote safe sex and ask their members to practice safe sex, but we’re talking reality here.) Problems like this would keep a few from moving forward. In fact, you can go to a lot of dancing and partying before you find a couple you’re comfortable with.
There are also many last-minute problems, such as a woman having her period or a man having a cold (cough, cough) that prevents them from pursuing more intimate pleasures. They still come to the dances, talk to their friends and make new friends and enjoy the atmosphere of socializing with others in the lifestyle.
It’s important to note here that part of being respectful doesn’t make another person or couple think you’re going to have sex when that’s not your plan.
How do I tell another couple we’re not interested?
How do you handle a situation where a couple shows an interest in playing with you, but for whatever reason, there’s no attraction or interest in getting together? (You like this pair socially, but not as potential play partners).
Not everyone is attracted to everyone. So you have to say to them in the tone of the question posed above. It is said with kindness, concern and without sounding like rejection.
Everyone is afraid of hurting the feelings of another. No one likes rejection, from children to adults – it’s human. Just say “No, thank you”. Since it looks like you have a friendship with this couple, it seems more difficult. There doesn’t have to be an explanation for who is attracted to whom.
Whatever the karma or kismet, a polite response is best. There is usually no need to go into detail about why. Be honest. We are all adults here and have certainly been in that position ourselves. Honesty is a big part of this lifestyle.
Honesty between partners and among themselves. If you’re not interested, just say so. Getting two people together is cool, but four or more? WOW Just remember that “no” isn’t a rejection, it’s just a statement. There are no easy answers, but follow your instincts, use common sense and be sensitive.
What if I run into someone I know? I would totally humiliate myself!??
It’s a small world and sooner or later you WILL probably run into someone you know. Club Mystique is for all liberal minded people, so everyone you meet will be there for the same reasons as you. It would be pretty hard for them to call your neighbors and say, “I was at my swingers club last night and saw so-and-so…” Who knows, maybe you two might become “best friends.”
Does anyone ever feel used?
This question can be twofold. If you feel used by your partner, you should go back to the communication table and talk. No one should be in this lifestyle who doesn’t want to be there.
The most important element for participation is the right of each person to choose freely within the boundaries of their relationship. Any hint that a person is being manipulated or forced to participate will limit the acceptance of other swingers.
If your care is used by other couples, you need to determine what you want from this lifestyle. Many people are only looking for sex to make their relationship extra exciting. Some people look for friendships, even for a short time, to spice up their relationship. Still others are looking for long-lasting, emotional friendships, people they can add to their social calendar even after a Saturday night.
Once you’ve defined your swinging goals, communicate that to potential partners. Recreational sex can be one-time or shared over and over. When you meet a couple, share sexual activities and they never call; it’s what they were looking for. It’s not a rejection. Next time, take the time you need to build the relationship you’re looking for. Just as saying “no” isn’t rejection, having sex just once isn’t “being used.”
Do people not find us attractive?
We’ve been to a few clubs and never had any experience with others. Many people in this lifestyle have only a few experiences per year. Could it be that you just haven’t met couples you “click” with yet?
Here are a few tips: Don’t be a wallflower. Go out and mingle. We are all here to meet new friends. Don’t overdo it with alcohol. Few things are less attractive than a drunk person or couple. Don’t be overbearing. Many people want to make friends first. Don’t go with the expectation of having sex.
Are there “cliques” in our club?
We must first remember what a clique is. Webster defines clique as “a small, exclusive group of people.” I define a clique as “a group of people who are familiar with one another.” When you walk into a random environment, you immediately look for a familiar face. It’s comforting to see people you know.
At Mystique there are cliques as such, yes, people like to be with like-minded people. However, at Mystique we also find many members who are busy all night getting to know other members and new faces. Often it seems like people are in a clique because you don’t know them. Often it is simply the perception of cliques.
Lifestyle couples enjoy meeting new people because they enjoy new experiences. If you are friendly, outgoing and pleasant, you will attract people you are interested in and who will also be interested in you. Couples tend to have their own set of “rules” or “guidelines” for regulating the sexual activities they want to consider.
Will you? If you do, you know there are situations and people you don’t want to participate with. You would then naturally migrate to couples who think and fantasize closer to what you want to experience. This is not a clique; it’s comfort. Since a clique can be any size, who’s to say it’s all bad? Just find one that fits and try it.
Open? Closed? Soft? Does everyone “Swing” the same way?
With swinging, there are as many different ways to swing as there are swingers. There are three styles to suit any occasion. Choose what works best for you. No style is right or wrong, it’s just a matter of what each pair prefers
OPEN SWINGING Having sex in the same room (possibly in the same bed) with your primary partner and another couple. The male will be with the female of the other pair and the female will be with the male of the other pair. There may or may not be sexual contact between people of the same sex, depending on your choice of bisexuality. This is the choice of couples who prefer to be together all the time. In Open situations, there is no question of what is said or done, because everything is done together for all parties involved. This is also the choice of those who like to watch friends while experiencing sexual pleasure themselves. It can be a lot of fun to look up to your partner and smile while enjoying another. This situation may well lead to some variations of group sex and techniques that are not available in closed swinging.
CLOSED SWINGING Sex in a separate room from your primary partner. The male will be with the female of the other couple in one room and the female with the other male in another room or at a different time (but still together – not “rocking separately”). This gives the freedom (or privacy) to “discover” the person in a deeper way without the distraction of another couple in the same room. Closed swinging also gives the freedom to act out different fantasies without feeling like you’re being watched.
SOFT SWING Gentle swinging includes teasing, foreplay and even oral sex with another couple before returning to your own partner for actual intercourse. Soft swingers prefer to keep actual intercourse between themselves and their primary partner rather than sharing it with other people.
HOW TO CHOOSE No style is right or wrong, it’s just a matter of what is preferred for each pair. A complication can arise when couples are attracted to each other and one couple prefers open, the other closed, and the other a soft swing couple. Every couple has the right to choose the swing style that suits them. However, most swingers are willing to compromise and bypass the choices of another couple.
If what you want and what the other couple wants is a match, that’s great! If not, and no compromise can be reached, keep looking. As a couple you have your rules. We always recommend that you don’t change those rules on Saturday night. After a while in the lifestyle you may want to change your rules, discuss it with your partner during the daylight, not in the heat of passion. You may discover new things about yourself and like those changes.
New couple at Mystique?
We always show you around and answer all your questions whenever you want. We explain to you our clubhouse rules and put you at ease!! We (ourselfs and the staff) speak many languages; Dutch, English, German, French and Spanish. Just enjoy the evening with a drink and the atmosphere in the club with all the other couples. Sex is not an obligation, never, you decide what your night looks like.
Swinger lifestyle rules?
The context is that couples don’t have to be married. They should have at least a little history together and be familiar with the emotional needs of others. This is a very important rule when it comes to being comfortable approaching other couples who have liberal lifestyles. The general rule is that everything works better when couples balance the view as an improvement on their existing sexual relationship, rather than replacing a faulty relationship.
If you are considering going into the liberal lifestyle, good communication is essential. There are many different types of throws at you. Remember that what you choose is always right and when you and your partner are clear about what they are doing and why. Sex is part of the human experience, and the pleasures that can be found in balance can generally only be achieved if both parties are sensitive to each other’s needs. Everyone should put the trust and comfort of their partner first. From a more realistic point of view, there will always be another party, another personal announcement, another dance, or another convention.
The main social behaviors valued in the exchange community are responsibility, kindness, coquetry, open-mindedness, and most importantly, stability regarding a primary’s relationship. It is worth considering whether there is a possible situation in which you will feel more or less comfortable and then discuss it with your partner. The pros and cons of whether you and your partner are compatible with or even interested in the oscillating lifestyle are many. Whatever you do, make sure the two are committed to it even before you try.
Rules for swingers club?
Swinger club rules are just for you, your partner and other guests to follow for a guaranteed great time at swinger clubs. Every swinger club has rules, some will be different than others. Here are some general rules most clubs will have:
The Golden Rule of Everything: “NO Definitely Means NO”
During any swinging moment when someone says “NO”, regardless of the reason, it does not mean to “STOP” all activities at once. No explanation needs to be given as it would be to understand. Just because you don’t want to jeopardize your happiness and satisfaction with this lifestyle or that of your partner, but doing something against your own will because you’re afraid to say ‘no’, don’t do it.
The most polite way to say no is to say, “No, thank you, but appreciate you asking.” By doing this you are honest with yourself and the person asking, and you also avoid misunderstandings.
Treat others with respect, which means be polite.
If you want others to treat you with respect, treat others the way you want to be treated. Club parties are supposed to be fun because being rude and judgmental is not a cool way to go. So just approach things politely.
Never take anything, always ask kindly
Making assumptions won’t make you very popular at club parties. Popularity status starts by making sure you know where everyone’s priority is before you do anything. If you don’t, the chance of embarrassment is the consequences
What to wear to a club - dress code?
OUR CLUB DRESS CODE:
In general most dress code is to “Dress to impress” – The key is sexy & elegant for the ladies and casual/classy/smart (long trousers or nice jeans) for the gents.
No ripped, torn, dirty or broken clothes. No Sportswear, caps, hats, no beach clothes or beach flip flops, no shorts, unless they are smart shorts !
In our “SWINGER AREA” its not allowed to walk arround with your normal clothes. The ladies can wear sexy clubwear, lingerie, transparent catsuits, transparent babydolls, etc….and the men wear (Clean & sexy ) boxers or slips.
Swinger Club Rules – NOT TO DO !
Don’t be a fool and drink more than what your body can consume. Drinking too much can impair your judgment and put you in a very embarrassing situation when sex is necessary – so know your limits.
Dealing with jealousy
Jealousy is very common, especially in swinging circumstances. To avoid jealousy, always get together with your partner, take the time to caress each other, stay close to your partner, touch the base often that makes you feel safe and finally, always leave together. If jealousy occurs, immediately stop all activities and go to a quiet place to discuss the problem. If the problem cannot be resolved, suggest leaving the party and working out your differences elsewhere.
Drugs are prohibited in our club
Drugs of any kind are not tolerated in any way. This includes carrying, offering to others and using drugs in our club. Anyone finding drugs will result in immediate expulsion from the club.
We wish you all happy Swinging !!
Team Mystique – Hope to see you soon